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Few words before I leave

I am done all packing, the furniture are all wrapped with newspaper, the clothes in beddings, the kitchen utensils in cartoons, Electronic gadgets in their cases, I am all geared up to move this Sunday. But I have always felt that it is not justifiable enough to leave before having to leave few words to the place I have lived many years. I do not know what the weather be like, rain has already come, if I am lucky the sun shine may accompany me, but I do not alter the planned expedition. I should have been gone long time back and I am going anyway.

"But time has now come to leave behind and walk to the strange land in the east"

If I have been in Chhukha for so long, it is because the place gave me the reason to live. The place had it embedded in all its corners the episodes of the life I have lived be it happy or otherwise. The building we lived together, the roads we drove and walked, the market we visited, the offices we attended each has a tale galore to tell. Although she failed me early at the start of our life, she was there always with me spiritually. The features of the place helped me remember and keep her always with me. But time has now come to leave behind and walk to the strange land in the east. My going to the east will separate me with her and important of all, our son, which is her last matrimonial gift to me.

I am going but for sure I am taking the memories with me, which I have promised myself to keep for eternity. The memories of our happy life together as a young couple, the memories of how happily we lived with our son, how much she struggled to cling to dear life, memories of how she fell despite all efforts. She has to forgive me since I could not stay intoxicated by the gruesome past and had to let the show go on. Though almost everything crashed with her, the ember in the last coal of my life remained glowing. It is this ember which sparked off and burned up to the fire that warms up my life now. But I have always dedicated one corner of my heart to her.

"We lived life of dreams and fancies glimmering in our eyes not knowing of an abrupt end"

Going back three years, it was our mutual and genuine love for each other that led us all the way to sharing the destiny together. We lived life of dreams and fancies glimmering in our eyes. But little did we know that it is going to encounter an abrupt end. She struck an irreparable disease and succumbed to it when her husband and five months old son was just beginning to love her all the more. Then she vanished into thin air leaving behind two of us to live in faint memory. But we survived no matter the consequences.

"I promise to take her with me everywhere I go, though not physically but etched in my memory"

So, no matter how far I am going, she has always lived in my heart. I can never let it get deleted. I promise to take her with me everywhere I go and literally complete my life with her only. To my son, forgive me if I have failed to shower you the love your late mother would have given you. I know it is my responsibility to make sure you are happy that you do not feel the loss after your mother is gone. Even if this is what I wanted, giving you everything you wanted, spiritually and materially, circumstances didn’t permit me. I am left with only option to make an endearing prayer and ask almighty to take care of you in all walks of life. I know he will understand me when he grows big enough to analyze the situation. For now I can only hope you are in the safest of the hand.

Before I say goodbye, I dedicate following prose to them right out of my heart;

To Late Mrs. Lotey Wangmo,
A lady with whom I spent 18 months of my married life together,
With the message, I have loved You,
Have been loving You,
And will Keep Loving you Only!
May your soul rest in peace in heavenly abode!

To My son Jigme Tshering, the Survivor,
Carrying half the name of his father,
Who was deprived of motherly love at tender age,
From his Loved Father Ugyen Tshering,
With the Message,
Grow with Might and Strength!

I live with the tainted and gruesome past,
Living my life buried in the Memories,
That the cruel destiny made!
Yet the life must Go on
Let only the Time Heal it!

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