As the religion mentions, being even born as human is like the blind tortoise hitting the bull-eye in the yoke that keeps floating on the surface of the ocean. But, when the human life itself is not as blessing as it is referred to as, there is someone who wishes that it was better if they are not even born. Here one cannot blame them for condemning the human life, since the experience of the harder truth of the life compel them to think so.
Gruesome past of which the wounds refused to heal
Here is the unfolding of the past, the bygone days Tshering wishes to unfurl because she had had enough emotional torture having kept it buried deep inside her heart, known to none but herself. She thought that is how best she can fight the gruesome past yet when the wounds refused to heal; she is making another angle to fight the problem. Her psychiatrist says, the healing would be faster if she can speak out what she thought is much better kept deep inside.
How many of us are ready to believe that Bhutanese women are raped by the family friend? But this is truth when I write that she was brutally raped more surprisingly by the man in red robe, someone she says is much worser than the sex-starved laymen. She lived with her Uncle in Thimphu and one night she could hardly believe her eyes when 43 years old Monk, who lived nearby, who she eyed merely as an uncle visited her bedroom in the midnight. She was then barely 13 years old and was studying in seventh grade, too innocent to realize anything of such nature.
"She was brutally raped more surprisingly, by the least expected of a doing, man in red robe"
She was then not even fully grown up. But to this cruel man, she is a virgin he would love to tear away mercilessly. Under the blanket of night, her tiny hands and fists failed to push away the bull dozer weight on top of her. Before, she could realize what really was happening, she was drenched in blood. Her cries of unbearable pain went unheard. Her uncle just in other room turned deaf to her desperate shout of helplessness. From this she now remains skeptic that if this is ever what her Uncle arranged. That night marked the tenure of his heavy body trampling her miniature body beneath.
That night marked her days of her physical torture and mental turmoil. She already skipped a week from her school when she could not even move, forget ever going to school. Like adding chili power to fresh cut, her second night was more painful, yet he cared nothing more than his lust. She wished an end to it but it kept dragging, his lust never satisfying. Every fall of the darkness sent chill up her spine since the time clock ticks midnight, the huge dark shadow would appear to feast on her blooming flesh, all in the freshness. To her dismay, this went on for two long enduring years.
"Like adding chili power to fresh cut, her second night was more painful, yet he cared nothing more than his lust"
In her quest to avoid and escape him, she got more closer to her boyfriend, which to others, making one is to announce you are not as ugly as in that middle secondary school. For her, it was something she was compelled to do, pairing up with the boy of her tender age. Then something that really bothered her happened-her menstrusion stopped a couple of months ago. At first she took it merely as an irregularity until few months after, her stomach deceived her when someone inside chose to show his presence. Her attempt to tighten the belt turned out futile and it kept ever bulging.
Soon, she became the laughing stock in the school. Every passerby would almost spit on her and the friends back in the school used all mockery they could. No one wanted to share the seat in the class, almost everyone kept distance with her. She found herself into the deep forlorn, neglected and stigmatized by the society at large. When the news got all the way to the school authorities, they proposed firing her. Yet, she deployed all her adamancy to hold herself back.
When she thought that enough is enough, she proposed her boyfriend (the child inside was her boyfriend’s) to marry her but for the sake of her worst fate, the in-laws refused to approve. They would tolerate to rear no bastards. Many a time she wished if death could come and transport her to problem-free world. But her conscience told her she should live for her child, reason for which is why she also refused her parents suggestion of aborting the child.
Finally, with much strength, she succeeded to complete her class ten. During that winter, she found herself on the bed in JDWNRH, fighting the pain of labour overpowering her. The pain of a boy on his way was really unbearable, making herself bath in profuse sweat yet she remained looking at the hospital door, ever expectant for someone she can hold on to relief the pain. She kept waiting for her boyfriend to come and assure her that everything is alright. Finally his close friend came to her. Now, he might be just following him, perhaps few steps behind. Before she could ask, “Is Jigme coming?’, he fed her with scariest news. “I am sorry but I cannot keep this with me. Jigme met with an accident on his way back from Phunstholing, rushing to console you”. She heard half of what he said and went into deep black sleep, a sleep from where she prefers never to wake up.
"A deep bone crunching pain from way beneath brought her back and suddenly realized, “I should live”.
When she was in RIM still as an undergraduate, she received an invitation from the cultural association in Europe. That offered her rarest opportunity to fly away and seek refugee in the dreamland, far, far away from her tainted memoirs. Yet, that didn’t help her much. She sought the advice from psychiatrist there and he suggested, “Speak this out; otherwise, it will keep ever digging inside your heart”.
This is an article based on the true narration of someone known by the name I mentioned in the story. She personally sought my help to write her the story so that it would help her speak out what keeps bothering her so much from deep inside. I am doing what little I can to help her out.
Life is all about helping each other, forgetting and forgiving the enemies.
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